Truly an Urban Mommy Now

I've returned to work. Not full time, and not in the office, but I'm officially working. I've really been working since I got home, as I've been responding to work emails all along, but as of last Friday, it was official. A messenger came to my house to deliver a box of work for me to do, and the same day a package arrived in the mail with a different set of stuff to complete.

So now the guilt starts. Despite the fact that I am working from home so I can be home with him longer, I feel guilty for doing work while I'm home with my kid. Despite the fact that my husband goes off to work every day and loves being with his child, I feel guilty handing my son to my husband so I can get some work done. And worst of all, despite the fact that I have always like my job, and that I believe that Baby Banana will be much better off having a Mommy with outside interests, I fell horribly guilty that I am so happy to be working again.

It's really nice to be doing something with my brain again - it was starting to atrophy from simply nursing, changing diapers and watching TV. Of course, the work has started just as Baby Banana is starting to be more interactive. I only work when he's sleeping or with Mr. Banana, but still...I know none of this guilt is rational, but it's there. I was never cut out to be a stay-at-home mom - much as I admire them, it's not how I was built - but I never thought I'd feel this guilty about even this small amount of work. Going back to work full time should be interesting.

In more upbeat news I visited Baby Banana's future day care center today. Mr. Banana and I chose it without visiting because (a) they're really the only game in town for full-day non-in-home daycare for kids under age 2, (b) we have several friends whose kids have been through or are in there and have nothing but good things to say, (c) they're the only real Jewish daycare option near us, and (d) they get rave reviews from every source of day care reviews (the fact that we were 41st on the waitlist for a program with 12 spots tells you something). I had to go drop off a check today and took a quick peek into the room he'll be in and loved it. The caregivers all came over to say hi and oohed and aahed over Baby Banana, all the kids looked happy, and the room was bright and cheerful. I'm quite pleased we managed to get him in.

My kid is now six weeks old. That isn't very old - when I say it, I laugh at how short a period of time ix weeks is. And yet I can't remember very well what life was like without him. Very odd.