Choosy Mothers Choose Takeout

There are reasons why Urban Mommies do not prepare seven-course meals for their families with any degree of regularity.

On Friday, the Metropolitans are having two other families over for New Year's Eve dinner and ancillary festivities. So, since Tuesday afternoon, I have been menu-planning, shopping, and preparing whatever dishes can be prepared ahead of time so that Friday evening itself will unfold as seamlessly as is possible in a world where three couples and three toddlers are scampering about one medium-sized apartment. (Incidentally, the two other families in question are the Divas and the van Wainwrights, so this whole illusion of seamlessness has already been shot to hell for the purpose of entertaining you, our gentle readers.)

Tuesday night, after the Metropolitoddler went to bed, I made hors d'oeuvre #1. Tonight, I made hors d'oeuvre #2. I have a little bone to pick with hors d'oeuvre #2. The recipe, from a highly touted brand-new cookbook, claims that the entire shebang takes 40 minutes: 20 minutes of "active preparation" and 20 minutes of baking. Of the 20 minutes of active prep, 8 of them are supposed to be spent sauteing, leaving me with 12 minutes to chop up (and finely chop, no less) six different ingredients, mix them up with some other (blessedly unchopped) ingredients, and stuff the whole thing into individual mushroom caps.

This 12 minute project took an hour and a half. And I haven't even baked the little buggers yet -- that 20 minutes constitutes part of the seamless Friday evening experience. (Now that I think about it, hors d'oeuvre #1 took twice as long as the recipe indicated, too. Hmph.) Who has time for this on a regular basis??

None of this is to say that I haven't had a pleasant couple of evenings in the kitchen. I happen to enjoy cooking quite a bit. I'm not saying that I should start a new career as chef de cuisine in some four-star Manhattan restaurant or anything, but it's fun to try out new recipes and I find the kitchen a soothing place to spend a few hours now and then. I'm just saying, is all.

My mother, Mrs. Suburban, likes to give me grief every so often about how I have all this fantastic cooking paraphernalia that I got as bridal shower gifts but rarely use. These are some of the occasions during which I inform my mother that she's lost her mind. Come on -- what with the full-time job and the toddler chasing and the attempting to get a little exercise occasionally (and, admittedly, the somewhat excessive amount of TV I watch -- but I TiVo it all, so I watch it in an efficient and commercial-free manner!) and the occasionally trying to spend a little time with Mr. Metropolitan or some of my friends -- what with all that, when exactly am I supposed to find the time to whip up gourmet meals to delight my husband's palate several evenings a week? (In fairness to Mrs. Suburban, she doesn't actually expect me to cook up these fabulous meals for Mr. Metropolitan with any frequency. Except for holiday meals, I don't think she's cooked dinner more than ten times in the last five years. She just likes to tease me about all my cooking equipment. Of which there is quite a lot.)

My mother-in-law, Mrs. Midwest, has her head on straight concerning this topic. She got us a new Foreman Grill (with all the new bells and whistles!) for Chanukah to replace our old outmoded one. I can whip up a tasty dinner of grilled steak/chicken/fish, microwave-steamed asparagus/broccoli/squash, and a salad in ten minutes or less -- that's the everyday cooking of the Urban Mommy! (All ingredients delivered to my door by FreshDirect, naturally.)

Not to mention the genius of Manhattan takeout. We here in the Metropolitan household are devotees of at least 15 different restaurants that are more than happy to deliver dinner to our apartment in half an hour or less: Upscale Chinese, quick Chinese, really quick sushi, somewhat-less-quick-but-higher-quality sushi, non-sushi Japanese, Indian, Upscale Mexican, Burritos (3 different places), Steaks, Middle Eastern, Diner, Upscale Pizza, Quick Pizza, bagels, and a few others I'm sure I'm forgetting.

Enough of this blogging nonsense. Who has time for it? I have 76 more hors d'oeuvres to prepare before Friday evening. Bon appetit!