The Downside of Equality

I have a number of friends who are stay at home moms, and a few who are (or are about to become) stay at home dads. The idea has a certain amount of appeal to me, and also to my husband, who would love to be a stay at home dad. But there's an inherent problem here:

My husband and I have nearly identical salaries.

It's something I never thought about. All the couples I know where one parent stays at home fall into one of two categories: (1) one parent makes more than twice what the other parent does, and the other parent makes little enough that it won't even cover the cost of day care, or (2) one parent makes such a good amount of money that even the loss of the second income, no matter how decent that second income, isn't felt enough to make it worthwhile to have the second parent keep working if they prefer to stay home. Neither is true for us. One of us staying home full time means losing half our income, and we both have chosen "lifestyle" jobs in otherwise rat-race-ish professions so that we get a chance to see each other and future offspring once in a while, so while we're certainly not poor, neither income on its own would allow us to live the way we want to live, nor in our current apartment.

So we're left considering daycare or a nanny, both of which are pretty pricey for people in our income range. I find myself wishing that my husband and I weren't so economically equal, so that one of us staying home were more of a viable option. Not what I thought I'd be wishing for.

Thank goodness I'm not the only one I know in this position - one option we're looking into is a nanny share with some local friends that may work out for the best for all four Urban Mommies and Daddies.